i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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