I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
