Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
