chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize