Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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