Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
