hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
