Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
