I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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