Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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