Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
