Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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