he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize