i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's get the cat blown out
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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