I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
