I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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