So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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