i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
