everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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