I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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