I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
