She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
