Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize