meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
is it fun? or sober?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
