I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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