She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
