Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
