To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
