They should really pass out barf bags in church
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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