apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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