That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize