And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
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It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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