Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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