that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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