i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
