Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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