jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
