Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
