Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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