trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize