I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I deserve this hangover.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
