Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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