im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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