I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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