i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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