Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
