yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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