Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize