At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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