My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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