This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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