is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
