Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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