Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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