New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
