ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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