there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am naked and annoyed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
