this beer tastes like vomit already
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
