just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
